For many years before I had children, I would watch shows and read books about child abduction, murder, and abuse. These were very popular durning my early adulthood and for some reason I gravitated toward them. Once I had children, I was constantly plagued with what I had once watched. Late into the early morning I would have played out hundreds of horrifying scenarios that would keep me from living a full and healthy life. This was a battle for me. For years I would lose sleep. I would try and pray and nothing would change. I remember one night sitting up, so exhausted from this routine that went on for as long as I had children. I looked up, with tears in my eyes and simply said, “I need you to be real.”
This was the start of me leaving behind the bondage that religion created, and while at the time I didn’t know I was pursuing sonship, I did know I was entering into relationship.
The first battle I faced was the understanding that I was not battling Satan himself nor one of his minions. That they were far from me, what plagued me was my flesh. Religion had left me enemy minded, for years, I would pray and rebuke and see nothing. I would anoint and fast and would still see nothing. But my cry to the Father was heard, no longer was I praying for God to remove the enemy from my life or to just pacify me with a few hours of sleep. No, my attention was on the biggest hurdle keeping me from the revelation of the Father and a deep relationship with Him, my flesh.
So often we partake and consume of the world and then face battles. When this happens we are so quick to turn and rebuke the enemy and nothing happens. We are rebuking something that isn’t there often times. I want to say that Satan is real and that he does attack. But I also believe that the flesh keeps more from the Father than Satan ever has. We have to change our mindset from thinking about what we can and cannot do. Wanting a set of rules. We are told, we are free to do all things, but not all things are beneficial.
Just the other night, while almost asleep, I started to have intense visions about my children. About my husband and I. I have not watched or read anything that would have sparked this, but these were probably the most intense I have ever had. My old self would attempt to distract my brain. However, that part of my flesh has been put to death and I will not resurrect it.
I looked at the Father, who is real to me now and simply said “My family and I are Yours to keep and this, this is not mine.” I made a motion with my hands of just pushing everything away. Right when I did this the Holy Spirit flooded me with love and thoughts of protection. However, He didn’t stop there, He showed me, myself walking on the beach, slowly picking up pebbles, the more I picked, the faster I would pick up more. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that when we don’t renew our mind with the word we renew it with the world. We revert back to the old man. No one of my knowledge is complete in sonship, we all retain some pebbles and we release and then we pick back up. We need to become aware that much of what we face is not because of the enemy but because of our flesh. We need to realize what areas we are holding onto and do more than “release” them. We need to put them to death.
We fall into temptation because of our own desires. We need to make sure we desire what the Father desires. Even if our desires are good by the way of the world and the way of religion, if we do not desire what the Father desires then it will lead us to walking in flesh.
I have never walked in stress that my mind didn’t take me, we must set our mind on things that are above and renew our mind.
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.” Isaiah 26:3
Sonship is not a destination. It is a process and journey of a deepening relationship with the Father. An unveiling of our true identity and walking out what the Father has destined for us.
Morning Thought 6/01